Mama Mantras

Or maybe we could change the title of these posts to Mama Inspirations...

This little snippet from Marianne Williamson serves as a helpful metaphor in so many areas of my life... Because I have made a commitment to get more sleep, I will not elaborate...you can fit it in (or not) where it makes the most sense for you in your life.

A tulip doesn't strive to impress anyone. It doesn't struggle to be different than a rose. It doesn't have to. It is different. And there's room in the garden for every flower.

-Marianne Williamson

(and, yes, mine are already coming up...)

Mama Mantras

At a four-year-old's birthday party, I managed to have a very helpful conversation with my friend and colleague, Rebecca York, about the challenges we both worked through during the early postpartum days. As we talked about the difficulties of bonding with a baby when one is struggling to stay afloat, Rebecca mentioned an affirmation that was helpful for her during that time. She said she posted it on sticky notes all over the house, had it written on index cards, and would say it gently to herself as she held her baby.

Rebecca's mama mantra was:

My child/family and I are connected with love.

Rebecca is a social worker with a private practice offering counseling to women. Her specialty is pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and life transitions. Thank you, Rebecca, for sharing your mantra.

My child/family and I are connected with love.

Mama Mantras

It has been awhile since I have posted a Mama Mantra, but I was reminded of them while reading Peggy O'Mara's editorial A Quiet Place, titled: Killer Fear in the Nov-Dec 09 issue of Mothering Magazine.

Peggy discussed the negative impacts that fear, stress, and worry can have on our bodies and minds. She goes in to great physiological detail about hormonal and structural changes that occur when we are repeatedly exposed to fear and lists several ways to decrease our fear reactions. I would like to list them here because, from a counselor's perspective, I think they are quite helpful, but please go to the essay and read Peggy's descriptions of each suggestion.

• Name the emotion
• Change your thinking
• Focus outside yourself
• Practice positive thinking
• Stand by yourself (based on her example of what this entails this is my personal favorite from this list)
• Use a mantra (yay, mantras!)
• Keep your sense of humor (so very important!)

She offers a few of her own personal favorite mantras, one of which is from Thich Nhat Hanh, a Buddhist monk, "Breathing in I calm myself. Breathing out I smile." How truly lovely, and so we have a new Mama Mantra today... Thank you Thich Nhat Hanh, and thank you Peggy O'Mara for sharing it!

Breathing in I calm myself. Breathing out I smile.

Mama Mantras

Debbie, mother of a 4 year-old son and a 6 month-old daughter, sent this mantra of patience. Debbie writes:

With every challenge I face in parenting, there is the reminder that sometimes looking at the big picture is actually helpful. Each tantrum, difficult phase, you name it, is fleeting when you think about it relative to a lifetime. I like to envison a water flowing in a river as I say my mantra to myself.
My mama mantra is:

'This will soon pass.'

Thank you, Debbie, for sharing this mantra. It is another good reminder to let somethings run their course and flow on by.

This will soon pass.

Mama Mantras

Jenn, mother of a 2 1/2 year old girl, works through some mama-guilt with a mantra. She writes:

Ever since my daughter was born I have struggled with guilt whenever I go out to have fun without her. I have to remind myself that she will be okay and that I deserve to have, and that is exactly what I say:

'She will be okay, and I deserve to have fun!'

So true! Thank you, Jenn!

[My child] will be okay, and I deserve to have fun!

Mama Mantras

Karen, mother of twin boys, sent us this gentle and most effective mantra. Karen writes:

I hope this is one is not too obvious. It is the most helpful way for me to relax and find space to think when the boys are making a ruckus. Actually, I started using this mantra long before I had children when I was working at in a very stressful job with a not-so-helpful boss. My mama mantra is:

'breathe'

Thank you, Karen, for sharing this mantra. It is a timely reminder for me.

Breathe

Mama Mantras

Rachel, mother of three young girls, sent in a mama mantra that helps her when she is feeling depleted. Thank you, Rachel.

On days when my resources feel all but used up, I try to imagine my heart glowing and growing, not unlike the Grinch's heart. As I am visualizing my expanding heart capacity, I say to myself:

"I have a big heart with room for a bit more today."

In the tough moments this helps me continue on, and I always make sure to create some "me-time" at the end of these days.

I have a big heart, with room for a bit more today.

Mama Mantras

Tornadoes happen in our house, on a regular basis. These swirly, high energy twisters are typically amidst the fantastic chaos of learning, growing, playing, exploring, and creating; all activities that I welcome in my home. Sometimes, during these heavy weather growing events, I experience a physical and emotional reaction commonly known as stress. As I feel my shoulders pinch and my jaw clamp, in response to the feeling of my personal world spinning with objects flying by me in directions I could never have imagined, I find that it is helpful to turn inward and find a little message for myself that provides reassurance, calm, and grounding. This message becomes a temporary mantra, if you will, that I repeat softly or in my head until I feel my feet firmly replanted on the ground.

One of my favorite, or rather, most often used mantra is, "It is just a mess, we can clean it up." I have found this simple phrase immensely helpful, especially when I am trying to stay out of the way of my children's exploring and playing. I try to keep the messages short and easy, yet specific to the need at hand.

If you have a favorite mantra you have created in the midst of fertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, or parenting challenges and would like to share, send it my way and I will post it. I also, be assured, have many more to share.

Life is messy, messy can be beautiful, and all messes can be cleaned up, if needed.

It is just a mess, we can clean it up.